Relationships
One of the delights of General Practice is being able to listen to people. Apart from the symptoms of various ailments, I also hear many interesting things about holidays, sports, people and relationships.
Women visit GPs more often, so we hear more from them about relationships and their men.
Last week’s article was about some of the things being done to help men deal with the adjustments they need to make after marriage and relationship breakups. There are serious health issues for a number of men in such circumstances.
This week the emphasis is more on prevention, which has been an increasing emphasis in general practice in recent years. It is better to intervene early when the problem is less serious, whether it is a skin lump or a struggling relationship.
Women initiate most relationship breakups, usually some considerable time after things start to go wrong. Often these problems begin in two areas.
Showing love and appreciation on a regular basis is one area that men do not do as well as they might. It helps if the woman feels special. Generally the ways in which we show care for another person fall into five categories: words of encouragement, quality time, gifts, touch and acts of service (Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman). All of these are important, but usually a person will express their love primarily in one of these ways, and usually that is the expression of love which is most meaningful to them.
How differences of opinion and conflicts are handled is the second main area of concern. The use of violence, humiliation, verbal abuse and withdrawal are unhelpful ways of dealing with disagreements and problems.
When a GP spends time with a couple who have problems resolving conflicts, the doctor will seek to encourage and model skills in listening, seeking to understand the other person rather than trying to blame. Each person is also helped to focus on what they can do, rather than being preoccupied with what the other person should do. Forgiveness is another important, though sometimes difficult, issue to deal with.
In observing strong marriages, I have noted that couples often work at making the relationship unique. Regular “date nights”, pet names, intimate routines, special places and songs and particular celebrations are some of the ways in which this may occur.
So if your relationship problems are not being handled satisfactorily, your family GP can be a valuable resource and helpful in a range of ways. Sometimes they will also refer you to someone else for additional assistance.
